nut hugger
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
