I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
