i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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