Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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