I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
