I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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