ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
