Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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