wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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