it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
