All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
