So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
