Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i came on her dog
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
