I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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