No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
