So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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