Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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