I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just google imaged poop.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
