Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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