Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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