If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
