Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
