My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
