you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize