So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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