She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
