She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
