Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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