need another drink. this is the easiest way
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
