i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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