Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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