I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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