I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
