You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
