How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am one with the molecules
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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