I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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