Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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