i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
