if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
