Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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