bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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