Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
