it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
50% drunk capacity currently
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
