and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
