You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
