Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
