it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
