i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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