Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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