if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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