if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
