broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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